Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

You are like me, then.

So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”

So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.

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For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.

It’s still here.

It’s here now, writing to you.

Don't you think Israel is and always has been the biggest obstacle to peace in the Middle East?

What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.

I had run out of hope.

Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.

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I was tired of trying and failing.

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.

How long did it take you to get used to your CPAP machine?

Be who you already are.

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

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It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

And the sadness?

But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.

Can a relationship really last forever?

The sadness was still there.

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.

Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.

Why can't ugly women date hot guys? I know a woman who wants a hot BF but people would just laugh at her and ask her "what can you bring to the table for him?", isn't that messed up?

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.

Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.

How come Jesus died on Friday and rose on Sunday? That's not 3 days and three nights.

It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.

I was tired of fighting.

What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.

Is it possible that my TF caused a kundalini awakening in another person? He is famous because He is a singer. We have not met physically yet, but I have gone through kundalini awakening and DNOTS and their ongoing. I have also had soul recognition so I know for sure that He is my Divine Counterpart and I do not have any doubts about it. But it is indeed perplexing that somebody had an awakening at the physical level because of Him. Is it a test for me? I have a mixture of feelings. On one hand I marvelled at Him and empathised with the person and on the other, I doubt if this just a test for me. I would appreciate your pov. Thank you for much.

Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.

This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.